Parents as mentors and models

Often immigrant parents have had to forsake their own dreams, so the next generation can realise theirs, says Dorte Heurlin. She is one of the creative and visionary people, whom we have invited to share their thoughts about mentoring and learning through networks on this website. Some were inspired by real life stories from KVINFOs mentor network. We also asked them about important mentors in their own lives.

Be inspired and join the discussion!

Dorte Heurlin, Writing and Editing Professional, Copenhagen:

"Reading the story of Shukria and Sanne, I wonder if Shukria may have to face the fact that her ambitions to become a pre-school teacher are too hard to fulfill. The education required of Danish pre-school teachers involves a surprisingly heavy workload of theory. The textbooks are intended for students expected to share certain attitudes to gender, authority, child-centered pedagogy etc., and students are assumed to be familiar with Danish social institutions and cultural traditions... how can someone who immigrated to the country cope with all that?

Maybe Shukria's mentor will prepare her for a second best option? A job as an assistant in a kindergarten or crèche, i.e. without college-education. It is vital for her to break out of her isolation, not just for her own sake, but for the sake of the whole family and for her children´s future. Her 14-year-old daughter, however, could be one of the girls who tend to benefit from Danish teachers' high expectations of girls showing initiative and motivation.

My heart bleeds for Shukria. How deeply she must miss her family in Kabul. How strange it must be for her to have her children grow up in a world dramatically different from her own. Her situation makes me think of the mother in the beautiful novel, The Namesake, by the young Indian-American writer Jhumpa Lahiri. The parent generation of successful well-integrated immigrants are often people who have had to forsake their own dreams in order to enable the next generation to realise theirs.

I belong to the first generation of women who were university educated on a large scale. In the 1970s we massively entered and changed the male dominated public sector of Danish society. Luckily many of the men who became our colleagues and bosses welcomed us and became valuable mentors. Like most other women I have not been able to escape my double identity: I am not only a professional, but also responsible for the management of a home. So my first and most important mentor was my mother. She taught me practical life management in the broadest sense and gave me endless support throughout my years of education and subsequent career. In my academic and professional life my first mentor was my father, and later I profited by discussions and advice from husbands and senior male colleagues."

What do you think?
How can a one-on-one mentoring process between adults benefit a whole family? Please comment below.